Sawyer, 27, Brooklyn.
5 months post op (Garramone) and noho.
Photo by Amos Mac.
Rarely have I ever been unhappy with my life. But I never thought I would ever be quite this happy and at peace with who I am and the decisions I’ve made.
Life is good.
Empowering, beautiful and disarmingly honest piece everybody should read, regardless of gender or how you identify. Good poetry is good poetry.
This is great to see. It’s been over a decade since they have provided coverage for surgeries to city employees of San Fran so I’m excited to see that this city is reaching out to all folk and providing them with the MUCH needed assistance.
Tip my hat to San Fran.
Please stop announcing that inextricable parts of my identity “don’t matter” to you because “we’re all human”
ugh i am supposed to be eating an 11:30 PM dinner of champions but i just have to stop in and say: the fact that we are all human is actually WHAT i find so ridiculous about the “we’re all human” argument. like, we’re all human! and, as humans, we each have the right to approach our own identities with our feelings and experiences and personal truths and understandings of those identities, and define them as we see fit. because that’s…how being a human….works? like, i am queer, and it is my right as a human being to feel or not feel however the fuck i want about that! regardless of how anyone else feels about that! because i am the only person living my life, and feeling how i feel about it is being a human. like, in a nutshell. this is not complicated.
i don’t know, man. i mean, it’s not that i don’t understand where it comes from, but aside from the irritated “hey, i really don’t need you to validate my humanity at all, let alone because i like fucking both dudes and chicks!!” feelings, i feel like someone needs to explain that there is a big difference between “i will support you, whoever you are” and “i will support you by not caring who you are.” because that second thing ain’t support.
Thread yoinking time: This, here is what irks me about the annual meeting at my school’s Club O’ Queers about labels. So many people are like “we should all just do away with labels! We’re all human and sexuality shouldn’t matter!” Which confuses me even more than when straight people say stuff like the above, because (aside from it striking me as really useful to know if that cute guy/girl over there is even interested in what you’re selling) you’d think that other queer people would understand that hey, guess what? Language is power. Being able to name a thing means that it exists, and that there is a way to convey the existence of that thing when talking to other people.
My personal example is the word “transgender”. Until I was fourteen, I had never heard of the word! I was stuck trying to describe my experience as “well I don’t feel quite like all the other girls and I really really hate having these fatty lumps attached to my chest and I never ever ever want to be ‘a maturing woman’.” And I got told, over and over, that that was normal, that lots of girls were nervous about needing to wear bras, and getting their periods, and I couldn’t make people understand that no, it went beyond that, and they needed to stop trying to lump me in within that experience. But once I had that word, “transgender”, I could use that to describe myself more precisely. Once I told my parents, “No, I’m not a girl, I’m transgender”, then they had a context for understanding what I was feeling when I started crying in the bra section of Macy’s, instead of trying to hang it onto the framework of “teenage girl angst”. Even in a perfect, non-hetero-cis-whatthefuckever-normative world, I would still be different in that regard from your average person, and that label would still be a useful one if I wanted someone to understand where a whole lot of my identity comes from. It is definitely important to be able to choose the words I use to describe myself in a world which is far from perfect in this regard.
I cannot describe how much I enjoyed reading this. If you have a minute, click the link, I promise you won’t be disappointed.
I am done with traps. I am done with the philosophy of traps, and I am done with the feminism of who owns my body for what cause.
It is time for something that tells you that I am here for blood—my blood, the blood of my loved ones, the blood of the people who have battered themselves against my life and found me still here.
It is time for a feminism of the monstrous.
That is this body. That is this me. That is the voice that says get your names off of my parts and your hands off them too, that says stop colonizing my reality and telling me what I mean without listening to a word I say.
Bringing this back because it is my FAVORITE and it always makes me feel better when I’m having a shitty dysphoria day.
I have changed my pronouns before and this is the advice I like to give people when they ask how to handle it. I get that it can be difficult, especially if you’ve known someone for years before they made this change. Here are some things to remember.
1. It ain’t about you. Yes, it’s a little uncomfortable the first few times you try to remember their pronouns (and in some cases, their current name). But YOUR discomfort about remembering something does not trump their dysphoria about being misgendered. Once you realize that it ain’t about you, it gets easier to remember. After all, this is someone you respect. So show it.
2. Ask when it’s appropriate to use their pronouns. Some people don’t use their pronouns everywhere because of safety concerns. Some people aren’t out to everyone. And some folks are fluid in relation to their pronouns. It isn’t your place to judge. If it’s okay with the person, you might consider completely dropping pronoun usage, especially in unsafe environments. Meaning, instead of s/he (or whatever else their pronoun is), just use their name. I find that makes the transition a little smoother.
3. Yes. You will need to think a second longer before you speak until it becomes second nature. In my cellphone, if someone changes their name or pronouns, I place a reminder next to their name. So for about a month is says Current Name/Previous Name (Pronoun). Example: Sally/Andrew (she). That way if I see a new number called Sally in my phone I’m not like, “Who the fuck is this?” After a while, I remember without the reminder and then I delete it. Same with screennames and such. I’ve used rhyming words to help remember things. There are lots of mental tricks to help. Do whatever you gotta do. But when you talk TO them or ABOUT them or in RELATION to them… use the correct words. I’m notoriously HORRIBLE at remembering things so I tell people upfront. “Just so you know, I will do my very best to respect you and call you by your correct name/pronouns. I might fuck up because I am forgetful but PLEASE call me on it and I’ll make sure it doesn’t continue.” Not once has anyone been anything other than appreciative because everyone likes to feel respected.
4. WHEN (not if because if you do this long enough, you WILL) you misgender someone, APOLOGIZE. Don’t make it a huge deal. Simply, “I’m sorry.” I like to use someone’s name when I apologize because it sounds more sincere and it’s a reminder for myself as well. Use the correct pronoun (or name) and move one. Making a big deal of it to look super progressive actually makes you look like an ass. And if you’re really sorry, it shouldn’t keep happening.
That’s pretty much it. And yes, you have to use their pronoun and/or name even when they aren’t around. Saying shit like, “You know Andrew, right?” when you are talking about Sally is fucked up. Something like, “You know Sally, right?” Then describe the person. And if someone else misgenders them (and it’s someone who should know better) correct them. If not, you are co-signing their disrespectful bullshit and that’s not cool.
Over and out.
It’s about fucking time.
Snapshots of transgender life.
The National Transgender Centre for Equality surveyed 6,450 transgender individuals in the US. Full results are available at transequality.org
BABY LIFE JACKETS
an alternative to
- swimming with a binder
- swimming with a shirt + binder
- buying a swimming binder
- anything to do with binders
really happy that I don’t interact with radfems in real life
or on the internet
the idea that these people call themselves feminists and then turn around and abuse trans* people
just makes my skin crawl
i’ve been id-ing as a feminist since I was old enough to pronounce the word
but i do not want, will not share space with bigoted hatemongers like radfems.
just makes me want scream.
what part of attacking vulnerable minorities in any way equals a fight for equality? i firmly stand, as a feminist, against anti-trans* sentiments
i don’t know
i’ve just been seeing a lot of radfem bullshit pass by on my dashboard and it makes me ill. how can people be this way!!!